Supporting newborn sleep and University drop off… what do these two things have in common?
Yesterday I dropped my firstborn baby off at her uni accommodation, all while remotely supporting families with newborns, with their emotions and practicalities of adjusting to life with a new baby.
For those that don’t know, I recently added Sleep Coaching to my supportive services, and I want to clarify some things that feel very important to me.
I won’t ever be described as ‘full spectrum’, as I am not the right specialist to support you if after doing your research you decide that you are happy with a ‘Cry it Out’ kind of method. I will never judge the parents who do, but I am just not the right consultant for them. I am about what is the evidence-based ‘biological norm’ for your baby’s age and development.
Note: This is different to putting your baby down for a minute for a sanity break, or if they wake when you are in the shower. This is totally different.
I was a parent who listened to my then Health Visitor who told me to do ‘Controlled Crying’ with one of my babies, so I have experienced it, and I do have regrets.
Shortly afterwards I attended a seminar with Margot Sutherland as one of their guest speakers, and then began my own research into it. I then spent a long time trying to right some wrongs that I had done. But I had to let go of guilt. I did what I felt was what I had to do at the time, based on some well-meant suggestions. I was vulnerable and desperate for any help. It just turned out to be the wrong type of help!
Why am I linking a message that I had received from a new parent telling me that their newborn wasn’t “settling unless in their arms and was it ok to hold them constantly”, to dropping my firstborn off at uni… Well, we nurture them with love, to feel secure, hold them when they need holding, knowing that we are there for them. We don’t ‘ruin them’ or ‘make a rod for our own back’ by holding them as babies, we teach them that we are there for them at times of transition, when moments feel scary, or something feels uncomfortable, or when we simply feel lonely and insecure, and we let them know we have their backs… then when the bigger transitions happen (nursery, school, playdates, big school, university etc) they know we are there, and they are safe and secure. They can always come back to base. Parents are base!
I have been so busy that I haven’t put sleep services onto my offerings, as Covid, well… Covid.
So do reach out if you have a newborn (or will have soon) or even an older baby, and would like support in establishing some good foundations for your little one, ready for the days when they don’t need holding quite as much!
I am here to support you in finding the ways that work for your individual little person, to learn to feel confident in sleeping more independently, in a timing that is developmentally normal for them.
If you would like a little summary of the Cry it Out perspective that I hold, some may find this helpful: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby-sleep/cry-it-out/